you werent half this hot in superbad. maybe its the eyeliner.

you weren't half this hot in superbad. maybe it's the eyeliner.

Fantastic. I seriously couldn’t like any part of this movie less, it’s just… it’s running on all cylinders. It’s a grand slam. It’s careful measurements in just the right amounts, but it’s not formulaic. Zombieland is postmodern enough to get it but appealing enough to not lose it. It’s an alchemy of humor and style that creates more than just art, more than just film, more than just a movie.

I don’t want to ruin it, but it’s SUPER meta. Like, more than just one element… the writing is meta, the filmic devices are meta… the characters… it’s just meta as fuck. And thank god for that because any Zombie Movie that takes itself that seriously needs to nut up or shut up.

Seriously, if you think someone can make a zombie movie that takes itself seriously and have it not turn into the atrociously pathetic Zombie Honeymoon ;;; well, you’re thinker done brokedid.

This movie is enough of a zombie flick to get all the thrill of one, but it’s too smart and too stupid to fall victim to any of the regular zombie movie leeching cliché that ruins most attempts at halfdeadhorror this side of y2k.

The only other zombie movie that comes close in enjoyability is Shaun of the Dead… and honestly this movie is fleshed out in a much broader spectrum of entertainment. It’s got some more of the classic stuff going on, where Shaun of the Dead turns its prissy brit nose up and passes that kind of kick by. Really, when it comes down to it… this is America’s Shaun of the Dead… the “Mr. Show” or “MST3K” answering “MP’s Flying Circus”… except it’s so much better executed that I should slap myself for saying such a thing…

That was for the comparison. Shaun of the Dead is great, but Zombieland is great in a whole different game… it’s not better or worse… it’s a different brand.


That was for putting Monty Python on par with anything else. That brilliance is unparalleled and the mention of it only hurts what I’m trying to say.

What I’m trying to say is that I laughed my heart out to ::EVERY SINGLE JOKE:: in this movie.

And while I was laughing I still had time to realize

– the film artistry is phenomenal.

– the violence is gutty and pulp and sick and amazingly not overdone to the point where the horror elements are phenomenal.

– Emma Stone is a fucking fox and the acting throughout, but especially of the romance, is phenomenal

– the writing is honestly extremely expert, and makes for a narrative that YES I THINK THE WRITING IS AWESOME AND PHUGH NOM IHH NAAAAAAL!!!!!

Now I know my raving reviews all sound dumb and You’ve probably skipped over at least 4/3rds of this, but Zombieland rocks. Jesse Eisenberg rocks a righteous role into overdrive as the ‘geeky white boy who’s probably jewish and totally loveable even though he lacks confidence and masculine behaviors’… a character who had been ruined in all masks and faces by Michael Cera… Eisenberg plays in the same style with  “The jarringly high, almost soprano voice and gawky turtle face, the ironic wimpy despair, the whole (sorry, but I can’t put this any other way) utter lack of a manly bone in his stringbean body.” but somehow blows Cera out of the acting cesspool by doing this all with dignity, character, dynamic humanity and a believable yet vulnerable strength that strikes the chord of my own truth in a way Cera’s acting denied. I’m not exactly able to communicate this … but I’m glad that at least one spineless wimp character finally showed some backbone.

Looking back at it, sure there were some obvious gaps for deleted scenes or directions the film didn’t take that it wanted you to think about and then didn’t maybe do something or anything with that supposed created expectation or shit… whatever, it may not be perfect…

but this movie is the perfect zombie movie.

Harrelson is great. Abigail Breslin rocks out. Hell, even the extras are awesome.

It’s the funniest movie I’ve seen in years, and it’s not heartbreaking like any of the other movies I’ve enjoyed in as much time have been. It’s phenomenal.

And yes. Emma Stone didn’t do anything for me in Superbad, but she totally stole my heart in this.

Addendum One:

Normally I hate really loathe fucking puke dislike girls with overdone eyeliner. I rage about it. Wichita can walk all over me; i’ll lick her boots in ecstasy and I think it’s because of that fucking black shit on her eyes. I _hate_ this, but it’s true.

Addendum Two:

Honestly I hate guns. I hate gun nuts and I hate gun violence. But this movie would have SUCKED if it didn’t bust so many caps… and I really have no defense for liking this about it. It’s American as shiiit and after watching this I wanted to shoot bullets through just about everything in the world that didn’t have a place in my heart already. Good thing that feeling lasted all of four seconds.

Anyway, go see the motherfucking show. It’s phenomenal.

‘dendum threeve, I cuss when I like stuff.


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